
Unraveling the Mystery: Exploring the Depths of Self-Identity. The Relationship with yourself.
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When exploring who we authentically are, do you know who you are? Or are you who your parents and close community wanted you to be but denied or hid who you were to please them? This can play out in a multitude of ways. We can also perceive this to be good, bad, and everything in between.
Childhood is a critical period in our lives as it sets the stage and foundation of our worldview. Our beliefs, what we were taught, experienced, and felt from the energies of the people close to us subconsciously taught us how we perceive and behave in our day-to-day lives. We can walk around aimlessly, unaware of the little phrases and learned experiences, even if it wasn't obvious, that can be related to problems later on in life we may run into over and over again and don't understand why these things keep happening.
Why do we keep gravitating towards certain people, places, or things? It's not new or enlightening when we hear that we gravitate towards what we are comfortable and familiar with. It's challenging to branch away. This can be because we don't know how to do or behave anything other than how we have been. We can also easily get pulled back into old ways when we keep associating with the same group of people who do, think, and behave similarly. Therefore, we might feel bad about diverting ourselves elsewhere and keep giving in or trying to gain covert or expressed praise and affirmation. This might be a part of our culture, community, family, and friends that we consistently participate in. This doesn't mean whatever group you imagine is necessarily negative, as this can go in many ways. It's the habits of how we show up and with whom we allow ourselves to entertain repeatedly. We may be loyal, which is an excellent trait. Always participating with the same people, places, and things can be healthy if you are in agreement with the person's or group's beliefs and way of life. At the very least, they can communicate effectively and compromise with each other. There is no such thing as everyone working harmoniously with the "my way is the right way" attitude. If you catch yourself doing that, you are shutting out other people's wants, desires, and beliefs to be happy, and, therefore, you may have a surprise rebellion later if they finally decide to speak up and defend their wants and needs. Life is filled with a mixture of good and evil. It would be good if you could find a way to be happy and content for the most part.
Suppose the people, places, and things you keep associating with and choosing to participate in feel like a hard no-deep within your being. These people, places, or vices hold you back from your true happiness and purpose without excusing your responsibilities and making fair compromises. Would you question stepping back and re-evaluating? Not everyone is fortunate to have the opportunity or freedom to do that. Think of children trapped and growing up in abusive and neglectful homes of immature parents who never healed from their childhood trauma and are overall unhealthy beings. Using the term "unhealthy," I am not relating to unhealthy as to diet and exercise, although that can be it or a part of the equation for sure. I'm referring to the whole human being is unhealthy mentally, emotionally, and physically.
As an example, as a female coming from an Asian culture and being raised in a way to be self-sacrificing and catering to others, sometimes to the point of devaluing myself and my self-worth without the literal phrasing of actually lowering my sense of self-value. I was unknowingly conditioned throughout childhood to give more, not charge at all to friends and family, or charge less for my quality or talent that cost me money as well as time. That is basically a double negative, teaching me to keep myself down instead of raising me up. On the surface, others may have made their assumptions based on what was presented. That doesn't mean that their perceptions were the truth. This is how humans wear masks to protect and present themselves in a particular light and learn to survive, especially with our first human encounters within the home and family. But assumptions are your mind's perceived beliefs and not the actual truth. It is dangerous to make assumptions, and we can act and not act based on false assumptions created in our own minds. This teaching when I was growing up as part of acting the socially accepted female role and culture was a part of learning "like-ability" to show others that I am giving and friendly, therefore, "treat me well and do not hurt me." I can easily get along with every life form for the most part. From convicts I counsel, narcissists, awkward yet intelligent beings, codependents who seem not to understand that they unwantedly clung to me when I don't want to be clung to, creatives, to wealthy or poor. Being capable of harmoniously getting along with others who are very different from me means that I hang out with all these people. I appreciate who they are with the imperfections that they may have, as I do. It's impossible to name everything in the example. I was covertly taught and trained to do more work for less pay. To provide high quality work, experience, or wisdom for little to nothing compared to the value in compensation. This conditioned me over time growing up to over-give, feel drained, feel used, and stretched with little to no time left for myself as I have given others, waited around for others, or given one too many excuses for as I seemed to aways understand their side or made an excuse to allow it to keep happening. I, therefore, attracted takers who were unwilling to pay my worth in support as they believed I should give it freely. This form of teaching to be "nice" for others to treat me "well" actually taught people to treat me "nicely" so they always have access to me to keep giving high-value services to them for free or for a discount. This form of subconscious covert cultural teaching in how I interpreted it, even if the actual words were never spoken that I was not worth it, was a deeply unconscious way of learning to navigate others. This describes my astrological birth chart for being a Libra Ascendant or having Libra in the first house, as well as my south node here.
Many females have been generationally taught to be sweet and nice, but times and the cultural way people connected and worked with one another were also different generations before us than how we connect with each other today. If you grew up with specific traditional belief systems and ways of living and are a first-generation American, for instance, blending your family traditions with the Western culture may not translate with the same response, as you are no longer interacting with other people who grew up with the same belief systems.
With awareness, healing, and re-learning through practice, when these opportunities arise, we can become healthier, practice new boundaries, and practice less people-pleasing. Balancing the playing field within all the groups that exist, but to simplify and give one example of a group of our human species, the masculine and the feminine energies within each of us. In modern times, at least in Western societies, both males and females have moved towards blended roles versus traditional male and female roles. When we have done this, and previous generations didn't quite have the freedom and diversity at the level we have today compared to the past, we have to adapt. As a female, I love working and making my own money. It has allowed me to not have fear in wholeheartedly trusting a male with my future and life if he were to make a significant decision that, therefore, affects me as well. There is more opportunity for equal cooperation and minds of value to work together instead of dominating one another. You grow and evolve faster when all parties can maintain and reach this level if all are willing to work for the betterment of the whole group. Therefore, it forces us to adapt and evolve how we live our daily lives and work with each other. When we gain stronger self-value that is realistic and self-esteem, we can weed out what to do more of and what to do less of so we can feel happier, healthier, and more emotionally stable. When people feel used, abused, jealous, envious, devalued, disrespected, and not considered in fair regard, any human being can get to the point of being unhealthy mentally, physically, and emotionally, which affects the people around them. When more people practice self-awareness and develop an intrinsic strength and willingness to reflect upon themselves genuinely, they can do less harm when life and other people are momentarily unstable or hurtful. When we don't heal our childhood wounds, as no parent or life is perfect, we all end up suffering either outspokenly or silently in the long run.